Blergh

That's my word for today. And this week. Some sort of evil sinus infection has found it's way into my nasal passages and colonized like it was the New World or something. Originally I subconsciously blamed my lovely wife for stealing the covers one night last week, thus giving me the chills. And you all remember what your mother's said when you were younger, right? You'll catch a cold!

Anyway, as my condition progressively got worse over the holiday weekend, I realized it wasn't her fault. It was Paul's fault. Who is Paul you ask? This nice comic artist/writer I know. But he's evil. How do I know? He's from New Jersey. Somehow he sent the Phlegm Phairy down here to infect me. I managed to wrestle her to the ground long enough to smother her with a pillow. But curse her, she left some "presents" behind on said pillow that turned into the Snot Monster.

By the time the Snot Monster reared it's ugly head, I had managed to survive the holiday weekend. Which meant I promptly called my doctor, made an appointment, got checked out, got a prescription, filled it, and started dosing myself with the wondrous of wonders, a Z-Pack.

So now I sit here after two days of medication still a bit woozy and muzzy headed. I've managed to make an attempt at a normal day today (minus the trip to the gym) so I'll be tired tonight. But don't worry Paul, I'll be coming for you. Oh, didn't you know? That's right, I'm headed north in another week or two for a wedding. My brother-in-law is getting married to a Jersey girl so I'm thinking I'll call in a few favors. Maybe she has some friends that could stop by your apartment and talk to that creepy old lady. I'm sure she's some sort of alien or zombie and would love to eat your brain.

Blergh. I think that just used up all my creative writing for the month.

Chicken Sh*t

First, a joke. Guess what?!





Chicken butt!!

Which brings us to chicken sh*t. And another joke. What's the white stuff in chicken sh*t?



Chicken sh*t.

Actually it's uric acid, but that's not as funny. Where is all of this going? To the birds. As in the birds around our house. In the past month, I've had two nearly hit me. And no, they weren't dropping letters or presents like they do in Harry Potter, this was bird sh*t. And both times they were easily within ten feet of me.

And to top that off, we've found evidence that they've been practicing their dive-bombing skills. I mean, how can you get bird sh*t on the side of a tire? Or the inside of a car door handle? Or the side of the house? I mean, it's like they're taking physics classes or something.

So there you have it, the straight poop on the poop around our house. I'm sure the birds will continue to cause a flap around here with all the sh*t they've been dropping. Let's just hope they stay away from the fans.

Supply and Demand

No, this isn't going to be a post on economics. It's about all six of my fans. Well, really just one fan. Who's more of a reader than a fan. And she's complaining that I'm not posting enough. Due to her "demand" I'm going to give a "supply" of reading material. Hopefully.

You see, I'm busy right now. No, I'm not curing cancer and yes, I'm sure I could be doing more important things like blogging. But I have enough on my plate to keep me from posting in this blog. And since I don't want to turn this into a whine and cheese party, I'll spare you the boring details. No really, they are boring. Unless you define exciting as creating a Microsoft Project file for a fake company's desire for a new human resources system. And if that's exciting for you, you're crazy.

Moving on, we have some new photos. First is the trip to the zoo in Richmond. I missed it, but it sounded like a lot of fun. The kids (and grown-ups) all came back with great stories to share about all the animals they saw.



Then we have Elizabeth's small birthday party at the local dinner theater. We're season ticket holders that (have been for years) and that's where she wanted to celebrate her birthday. There were some complications, but it all turned out for the good.



Will I be posting more? Yes, I've had my arm twisted enough by those nameless readers and I'll work on my thoughts of chicken poop and other ramblings.

The Weekend Getaway

Yvonne and I just spent a long weekend in the mountains. Without the kids. Or the dog. Soooo relaxing. We don't normally take vacations so this was a nice break from work and the daily grind of life. Special thanks to the in-laws for coming to visit and entertain/babysit the kids (and dog).

Wednesday started with the arrival of the in-laws and presents for Yvonne and Elizabeth. Gotta love those spring brithdays! (click here to see all the photos)



So, we left Thursday afternoon and made the trip in a few hours. We made a pit-stop in town to get a pedicure (Yvonne, not me) and socks (me, not Yvonne). I also picked up some new books. Once we made it to the resort, we checked in, unloaded our junk in the condo, and went into the "big" town of Elkton. They had a spring carnival/fair/flea market. I knew we were in the "country" but wow. Mullets, camo wife-beaters, and well, stuff that looked like it "fell off" the delivery truck. But we had fun. We had dinner at one of the resort's restaurants and headed back to the condo dodging deer and groundhogs galore.



Friday morning was our "tour." It had a tour, but it also included a sales pitch. Since we weren't interested in a time share and just wanted a free vacation, we listened politely but declined. The sales guy was doing his best to be professional, but his persona was still that of a high school guy getting drunk and having fun. And by having fun I mean being stupid. We also reported our ant problem and snagged lunch before heading into Luray Caverns. Yes, into. I had been there some time ago and it looks like they've developed it a bit more. They also had a car museum and a hedge maze. After that we headed to downtown Luray and hit a used book store, did some walking, and found an awesome place for dinner, West Main Market. Best food we had all weekend.



On Saturday we slept in, which was nice. But odd. After all those days and weeks of getting up so early, it's hard to break that habit. Anyway, we headed to Staunton and visited the farmer's market in Dayton on the way. It wasn't the farmer's market we expected. They had a few food items, but was mostly craft stuff. But the choices of beans, grains, etc. was amazingly like the old days (except with plastic containers instead of metal. Anyway, we visited the Frontier Culture Museum which had several farms from several eras and form different places. Nice to see how they shear sheep, clean the wool, run a smithy, and generally just how they lived back then. While the exhibits weren't that far apart, we splurged and rented a golf cart. Yvonne had a blast driving it. Then we went to the Virginia Hot Glass Festival at Sunspots. They had a ton of blown glass, people blowing glass, and some jewelry kiosks. Yvonne picked up a nice bracelet with some hedgehogs. We also stopped at Pufferbellies, a toy store, to get presents for the kids (and me). And we stopped at the best antique shop I've seen in ages (the Jolly Roger Haggle Shop) after lunch at the Beverly Restaurant (food was okay, but service was very slow).



Sunday was the worst day. The last day of vacation is always hard. It's great to get back home and sleep in your own bed, but man that drive was just way too short. All in all, we had a good time. I think we'd both go back to Luray for the food and Staunton for the shopping.

All the vacation photos can be found here.

The New Car

Edited 4/22/09: I've added the wrecked van photo at the bottom.

Well, it's not really a car, it's an SUV. Here's a preview:



Click here for all the photos.

But what I really need, is a name. I'm not big on naming cars, major appliances, or anything in general. But we can't call it a "van" (that's what we wrecked). We can't call it a "Suburban" (even though it essentially is). So should it be the "Denali" or the "Yukon" or something else? Vote in the comments!

New Photos

We have new photos of:

- Elizabeth's birthday
- Easter

Check them out!

The Dreaded Weekend Report

Yes, that's right, blame it Paul. He inspired me.

Saturday
- William's first haircut. He wailed, but survived.
- The cheapest trip to Costco EVER. Try to beat $1.35. I dare you.
- I did the thing-that-shall-not-be-named (aka work) at home.

Sunday
- Elizabeth, William, Yvonne, and I went outside to play.
- Flew the kite to the end of the string (and only crashed like Charlie Brown a few times).
- Yvonne pulled some weeds around the well.
- Elizabeth road her bike a little while William tried to pedal the tricycle.
- Visited friends who just had their third child (their second daughter). It's easy to forget how small they are.
- Stopped at the library to check out three books.
- Stopped at Poncho Villa (local Mexican restaurant) for take-out dinner.

Monday
- Yvonne is off today so I got up early and hit the Y. Ran a mile without killing myself (or my legs).
- Got donuts on the way home to make-up for my run.
- Yvonne and kids are now off to town to shop and play.

There you have it. My weekend in a nutshell.

William's First Haircut

I think the title pretty much sums it up for you.

Before:



After:



Go here for the rest of the photos.

Happy Birthday Mom

In the hopes that my mother will forgive her loving (and only) son for not sending her a birthday card, I'm writing down a few memories I have of her over the years.



The Deer At The Cemetery
I don't recall exactly what year it was, but I remember my mother and I (and I think my step-father too) visiting the cemetery her father was buried in in the Chicago area. I'm sure we were visiting his sisters and brothers and my cousins for some reason, but the trip to the cemetery was, well, creepy. You see, I've never been fond of cemeteries. In fact for the longest time I would hold my breath when we drove by them for fear the dead would steal my soul (one of those foolish beliefs I picked up from a cousin, I'm sure). While visiting the cemetery, we went and stood by the grave and said whatever it is we say to make ourselves feel better.

At some point during the visit, before or after the grave-visiting, we saw some deer. I thought this a little odd, since we were in a fairly suburban area and seeing deer in a cemetery just seemed odd. Well, the deer either took offense at us or our beliefs and charged me. That's right. It was straight out of a cartoon bull fight. Hooves pawed the ground. Breath was snorted through the nose. And the damned thing charged. Scared the heebeejeebees out of me. I must have gone to the bathroom before the trip because I didn't need to change my undies afterward. That's how scared I was. I mean, being around a bunch of dead people in the ground is bad enough, but to have a deer charge you on top of that just sent me over the edge.



My Mom Gets A Dog And Dates Jesus
When my stepfather died, my mom was distraught. So much so, I didn't know what to do. You hear about women that lose their children or husband and just wail in some un-earthly keening that can strike a man down into the depths of despair and beyond. While I don't remember my mother wailing like this out loud, I know she did inside. Bobby was never the nicest guy, to me or her, but they were still married. So when he died, it was hard. And it was harder since it was such a sudden death.

So when the final arrangements were done and everyone was back home and doing their best to get back into some sort of routine, my mother told me she got a dog. A dog? She must be crazy. Then she said she got a boyfriend. A boyfriend? She must be really crazy. And she's moving in with him? Wow. And he looks like Jesus? She went off the deep end. I just couldn't believe how fast they were moving into this relationship. Clearly it was fast enough for them, but it was way too fast for me.

Fast forward nearly ten years (has it been that long already?). Turns out my mom's boyfriend/fiance/partner/whatever you want to call him, is a nice guy. Granted, I've not spent a lot of time with him, but just seeing how he interacts with Elizabeth and my mom tells me he's better than just a nice guy. And yes, he looks a little like Jesus would with blond hair, but you know what, who cares? I still like him.



The "D" Word
Growing up as a kid, my parents were always divorced. To many people, that was a label they applied to myself and my parents. And it often wasn't a nice label. Even when my remarried, the stigma was still there sometimes, rearing it's ugly head. But for me, it was no big deal. When my friends in school had parents going through a divorce, I couldn't see what the big deal was. After all, my parents were fine, theirs would be too.

Turns out, that's not always the case. As I got older, I learned more from these friends that their parents wouldn't talk. Some would go to the agreed upon meeting spot and get out of mom's car and into dad's car, the parents not exchanging a word the whole time. For me, it was the opposite. My mom and dad would talk. They'd call each other. They'd talk to me. They'd even eat a lunch together if they were swapping me from house to house. So traveling to see my mom in the summers or on school breaks wasn't that big of a deal. It was hard to adjust from one house to another, but I got used to it. Besides, my parents were grown-up enough to be adults about the whole thing, why shouldn't I be? I could go on and on with countless stories about traveling back and forth between my parents, but I'll just give you a few highlights.



Highlights Of Visiting Mom
- When I was about five, I started flying back and forth from east coast to west coast to see my mom for the summer. I flew alone and would get to tour the cockpit, get a free deck of cards, get pilots' wings, and always had a flight attendant take care of me. Mom lived in a trailer in Salinas and I remember taking her picture with my Polaroid camera by the trailer-park pool. For some reason my picture was crooked. I still have it.
- When I was in 3rd grade, I spent the school year with mom in Bellevue, Washington. We lived in a trailer park and I got into trouble a lot. This was the first (and only) year I walked to school. My grandparents came to be with me when she moved, but I don't remember that. I just remember living in that tiny trailer where the rain made so much noise on the little vent in the roof I could barely sleep.
- My moved lived in Salt Lake City once and I remember the apartments they had their. Vaguely. I remember the cat that had kittens under the house or trailer or something and I had to stay away because it would get mean. And I would trim the grass next to the sidewalk with scissors in the front yard. I also got to see my Aunt Susie (my mom's sister) and her family. They lived next to a car dealer and had an orchard in their backyard. They had a weird house; it had a central vacuum!
- I remember my mom living in Madera, California. It was always hot as hell there. We lived in the fifth-wheel there. I had odd dreams there that I still remember to this day.
- I remember traveling with her across Nebraska and we stopped to meet my grandmother (my dad's mom) in a restaurant. I was scared of her (something I'm ashamed of to this day, I mean, what kind of kid is afraid of his own grandmother?).
- I can remember countless adventures with cousins, aunts, and uncles in the Chicago area. Most of the fun time we had was at Aunt Diana's house.
- In sixth grade I went to spend the school year with mom again, this time in Sandy Lake, Pennsylvania. We lived in a house on ten acres and I learned a lot that year (and the summers before). Like turkeys make terrible pets because they are as dumb as the rocks they eat. Having the stray dog you took in as a pet shot in the woods by your step-father can emotionally scar you. When given the choice of moving a wood pile and getting paid or moving it later for free, choose to get paid. Pay attention when cutting the grass because you may run into something (I still have a hard time with this one). When stealing a Christmas tree from your neighbor, make sure you have a getaway car.
- Around the time I was in the eighth grade, my mom got sick. It was a hard time for me because I was trying to be the man of the house (which meant I was butting heads with my step-father) and my mom was in and out of the hospital with an illness I still have a hard time understanding.



Enough Already
I could go on and on and on about anyone in my family given the proper inspiration. But today belongs to my mother. Sometimes she was my mom, sometimes my mother, sometimes my mutha. I never had the chance to grow up with one of those "stay-at-home" moms and sometimes I'm sad I didn't. But I still had a mom as a kid and I still have one now as an adult. I'm hoping she'll stick around long enough to be a great-grandmother, just like Grandma Grace. Maybe she'd even wear those silly glasses.

And in case you forgot why I wrote this, Happy Birthday Mom. I love you.

Still grouchy but done

Done with tubes.

Just a little grouchy

Getting ready for tubes in his ears.

New photos

I know, I know, it's been ages since I've posted photos of the kids. Well, here's a few of all of us (including our recent snow storm that left us with 14 inches of snow).

http://picasaweb.google.com/tk42one/FebruaryAndMarch

John Robbins 8k Race Results

Yes, yes, I'm excelling quite well at punishing myself. I honestly think I should start telling myself I make an effort to abuse myself everyday. By running. And to think of all those miles I ran as a kid that I hated it.

Anyway, this race actually has more story to it than my previous ones. I got up early (around 0530) because the night before I had a nightmare that I forgot to set the clocks forward an hour and was half an hour late to the race. Needless to say that I didn't sleep well the night before the race. I got there super early which put my mind at ease. I grabbed a horrid cup of coffee at the local Hardees and sipped it like it was mud. Even sugar and cream didn't help.

Once I was semi-awake enough to process where I was and what I was doing, I began to mentally prepare for the race, mapping it out in my head. And it was a doozy. I checked in, got my number, got my timing chip, and reviewed the map. Feeling I might get lost (5 miles is a long ways to run), I kept it in my pocket the whole time.

Anyway, I warmed up, stretched a little, and patiently awaited for the race to start. I ran into the father of the fellow high-school graduate again. We chatted for a bit until the race started. It was great to see the police escort, but they only escorted the race leaders, so I saw it for about 2 minutes before it was gone.

Mile 1 Split = 10:29
I did great for the first mile, but it ended going up a steep hill. And that's where I hit my first, small wall. I was keeping a great pace, but couldn't keep it.

Mile 2 Split = 12:35
After walking a bit to rest, I alternated between running and walking. People were still passing me and I lost sight of the people I wanted to stick with.

Mile 3 Split = 12:33
This was a very hard mile. As we neared the halfway point, there was a very, very long stretch of road. And the worst part was it looked like it went on forever. Once I turned the corner, then I new I was near the end and could see people ahead of me. I was closing on some of them. Another uphill section, but it was nice because a young girl (maybe 12 or 13) was running with her dad. He was trying to encourage her to keep running and to catch the old guy in front of them. As I passed them I said "don't let the old guy beat you" (meaning me and the older guy in front of both of us.

Mile 4 Split = 11:53
After the uphill, I knew I was close to the end. But I couldn't push myself much more than I was. Still alternating running and walking, I was feeling pretty old. And out of shape. And fat. Anyway, the young girl and her dad were passing me towards the end and mentioned she had the same shoes as I did and I should keep up with them. I did my best. And as they were just a little in front of me as the finish line was in sight, I began to sprint. So did she. And I beat her. Barely, but I did. Made me feel great. At the awards ceremony afterword though, she won second place for her age group. Me? Not so hot.

Mile 5 Split = 11:15

And here's the map in Google if you'd like to see it. I passed a DeLorean and a giraffe. Can you find them in the Street View?

Congratulations Neil you finished the John Robbins 8 km on March 8, 2009 with a time of 00:58:28. You placed 228 of 241 runners, 138 of 142 Male runners and 8 of 8 in the Men's 30-34 division. Your pace per mile was 11:46. You scored 726 Grand Prix points in this race. Weather on Race day was 62 degrees, mostly cloudy.

Where you were meme

Stealing Jim C. Hines' post on looking back, I thought I'd take everyone on a little trip down memory lane.

1 year ago - I was struggling through Assassin's Apprentice and posting some Norwegian Family photos. How odd that I'm struggling through Royal Assassin and I still want to go to Norway. Yvonne had short hair, Elizabeth was still cute as a button, and William looked like a giant, hungry worm.

5 years ago - I was eagerly awaiting the birth of Elizabeth. Ha! I was scared out of my gourd. Totally not ready to be a dad or a father. We were living in King George, Virginia, Yvonne was a teacher, and I was working for Intuit.

10 years ago - I was eagerly awaiting the marriage to my then fiance, now wife. Ha! I was scared out of my gourd. Totally not ready to be married. We were between moving from Edinboro, Pennsylvania to Shelby, North Carolina. Yvonne was moving from being a grad student to being a teacher and I was moving from being a baker's assistant in a grocery store to working for Books-A-Million.



20 years ago - I was 12 and in middle school. Eighth grade I believe and I had huge hair. Don't believe me?



30 years ago - I was 2. And I have no idea what I was doing. Probably running around and terrorizing my parents.

40 years ago - I wasn't around yet.

Note: I meant to post this last week but must have missed it in the shuffle of things.

The Great White South

Yes, we're alive, warm, and watered. So far we have power, although there were a few brown-outs and flickers last night. So far we've had 24 hours straight of snow (it just stopped). Total accumulation is around 14 inches (give or take 3 inches in the drift/non-drift areas). And while the local employers were closed, I still got to do you-know-what from home.

Here's what I get to look at right now.



Elizabeth did get to play outside for a bit (William is running another temp, likely another ear infection). Part of the driveway is shoveled (enough to see where NOT to drive). And we still don't have a paper.

Wanna be in a movie?

I just had to chuckle at this one. Octomom gets an offer for a porno? Wonder if they can use the title from that James Bond movie...oh what was it called? You know the one I'm talking about...it had Roger Moore and Maud Adams...

Watch out Zach and Miri!

Goosey Goosey Goosey

I think only my wife will get the inside joke here, but she was once chased by a goose in college. Or was it a swan?

Just for you sweety!

Turkeys

I've been meaning to post about this for weeks, but I've lately been seeing a large flock of turkeys by the YMCA down the road. Not sure of the exact number, but there's been at least ten to fifteen of them every few days. They sit in one of the clearings pecking away at the ground.

Race Results

Congratulations Neil, you finished the Sweethearts 4 Mile Run on February 8, 2009 with a time of 00:48:24. You placed 296 of 316 runners, 160 of 169 Male runners and 16 of 16 in the Men's 30-34 division. Your pace per mile was 12:06. You scored 682 Grand Prix points in this race. Weather on Race day was 53 degrees, partly cloudy.

So I clearly didn't place where I wanted to, but hey, somebody has to come in last, right? Even if it wasn't last, last, it was last in my age group. There were a ton of runners out there (easily 300+) and many old men and women passed me by. I ran into the parents of a fellow high school alum and chatted before the race. He was running (faster than me) but it was nice to see somebody I knew.

I am happy with my pace, my first, second, and fourth mile were pretty good, but my third mile sucked wind. My legs weren't the problem (though they do hurt today) it was simply my conditioning. I think I need to build a large lung capacity and shed more weight. Not sure how I'm going to do either. Maybe I can hold my breath until I pass out? If I do it before dinner, maybe I won't eat....

It was also very nice to have my own little cheerleading squad at the race. Since we got off to an early enough start at home, everyone went. Elizabeth and William played on the playground at the park while I ran. And they all cheered for me when the race started and when I finished. I'm just glad they weren't there halfway through the race, I would have felt bad for walking in front of them. And I know Elizabeth would have yelled at me to "run faster Daddy, run faster!"

My next race (already registered for) is an 8k (4.97 miles) on March 8th. I'm hoping to do that in less than an hour.

I'm running in the first

I'm running in the first Grand Prix race of the year today and it's 4 miles long. Am I nuts?