Hey Ladies!

Sorry ladies, this Lumberjack is married!

And for clarification, yes, I did wear this outfit this weekend. But it was strictly because I was cross-training. With the weed eater, the lawn mower, and some weed killer.

NSFW Run

Report:
Don't know what NSFW means? It means Not Safe For Work. As in, don't click this link or look at this site when you're at work or HR might be knocking on your door in a few minutes. What does all of this have to do with today's run? Well, I run across (no pun intended) some interesting items when I run. Like a poker chip, a golf ball, a rap CD, you get the idea. Well, today I found a Bluegrass Christmas CD. I almost kept it but after thinking about it for a few steps I realized that I don't really like bluegrass. So I left it there in the ditch.

I know, you must be thinking about how that has anything at all to do with NSFW. It doesn't. But it's a good segue to what else I found. A dildo. And a butt plug. Now, that alone would make for quite an interesting run. Interesting enough to make for quite an amusing story on the 3NonJoggers podcast. Interesting enough to make me stop in my tracks and take a picture.

But that's not the whole story. These weren't little sex toys. These were HUGE toys. Like the size of my fucking arm. HOLY. SHIT. HUGE. Don't believe me? Well, thanks to the magic of cell phones and the internet, here's my proof:

Weather:
Temps were about 90F to 95F. Humidity was high. Sun was out. There was a slight breeze later in the route.

Fluids and Fuel:
This was a lunch run. Breakfast was a burrito, oatmeal, yogurt, and iced coffee. During the run, I had one gel before I left, another at the turn-around point, and two bottles (one of ice water and one of iced Hammer Fizz). I finished both bottles by the end.

Aches and Pains:
My shins and calves felt tight for the first two miles. After that, things loosened up enough to be bearable. The heat was oppressive but again, bearable after a bit. I didn't get overheated like I usually do and did a much better job at managing my body's heat.

Gear:
Nothing special about my gear today. Wore my Hammer visor and loosened it up enough to not give myself a headache. Also took my iPod Shuffle to listen to an audiobook and some music.

Codename - NSFW Run
Yep, this pretty much explains it all.

Splits:
Outbound - 37:07
Inbound - 41:03
Finish - 1:18:10

Funky Funky Broadway

Report:
Yet another slog through the warm ovens of hell. But this time my mood has improved a bit. I think it was the distance and time spent on my feet. Nothing at all about my actual time made me happy but the idea that I really can go out and do something longer than 3 miles made me happy. I was hurting, sure, but it made me happy to know that I still have a little spark of insanity in me.

Beyond the heat and humidity, there isn't much exciting about today's run. I managed to make it back in time to not miss work and I managed to actually stretch a bit after I ate. I know you're supposed to do it right away but I was too interested in a cold drink, a cold shower, and some clean clothes. Then I got hungry and opted to eat my lunch before stretching. But at least I stretched.

Weather:
Temps were about 85F with high humidity. A bit cooler than yesterday though since there were more clouds out. It was cloudy enough to block out most of the sun. There was also a nice breeze blowing periodically, maybe 10 mph.

Fluids and Fuel:
Yet another pre-lunch run. Breakfast was a burrito, yogurt, and iced coffee. I had a glass of water before my run. During the run I had my hydration pack filled with ice water, a bottle of Hammer Fizz, and half a flask of EFS. I finished most of the water and Fizz and took the EFS at the halfway point. Recovery was chocolate ZICO during my cold shower. That was followed by a salad with some veggie burgers on top. And a few Oreos.

Aches and Pains:
None really to speak of. The ball of my left foot was a bit tender after my shower but beyond that, everything feels fine.

Gear:
I wore my Salomon hydration pack. It felt tighter than normal but it still hung in place when I undid the chest straps. I also took my phone to take some pictures. And my iPod to listen to a book. And my voice recorder to get another podcast episode on the books. Oh, and I wore my new North Face shorts and they worked just fine.

Codename - Funky Funky Broadway
Lately I feel like I've been stuck in a funk. Like I'm on Funky Funky Broadway and can't turn off.



Splits:
Outbound - 51:40
Inbound - 56:54
Finish - 1:48:35

No Time For Time

Report:
Opted to run watchless and on an unmarked/unknown route. The route is known but I didn't know the distances since I was going a bit wonky up and down the hills. In the end, I came out with about 3 miles run and no idea of how long it took me. I paced myself mainly on effort and, meh, did okay. Just not in the shape I want to be going into my next 50k. Not at all in the shape I want to be in.

Weather:
Temps were about 85F, humidity was high, and the sun was out. No noticeable wind.

Fluids and Fuel:
This was kind of a pre-lunch run. Breakfast was oatmeal, yogurt, and water. My first breakfast without coffee in ages. Had water before the run. During the run I had one bottle of watered-down NUUN. Recovery was chocolate ZICO (so damn glad I could find it on Amazon again). That was followed by a cold shower and lunch, which was a bean burrito and two veggie burgers.

Aches and Pains:
My calves felt a little tight but nothing major.

Gear:
Left the watch at home but listened to an audio book on my iPod. So far it's okay. Not great but not horrible, just okay. Ran shirtless but was tempted to test out my new Lumberjack suspenders.

Codename - No Time For Time
Just didn't want to be depressed by my slow pace. Maybe I'll do it more often so I can get my mojo back.

Splits:
Um, haven't you been reading? I didn't wear a watch.

Podcast - Mile 35 - Moab's Negro Bill

This was an unnumbered podcast that I recorded during my vacation to Utah. Why was it unnumbered? Because I forgot which mile I was on. Turns out, it's Mile 35. Anyway, I had the chance to record an episode while on a run. The trail at Negro Bill Canyon is a great run but be prepared to do some hiking and maybe a bit of scaling. After all, this is Utah.

If you can manage to stand listening to me flounder a bit at the beginning, you'll eventually hear me spew some words about my three big mistakes in the desert. I'll also touch on Johnny Depp's new movie, The Lone Ranger, as well as some of the places we visited.

And fair warning, this episode is a bit longer than most. Partly because I did more walking than normal and partly because my GPS signal wasn't as good as I wanted it to be.

Download or view on Podbean. Hopefully you won't cut your arm off to get away from the episode.

Stick!

Report:
So today was yet another day where I just had no motivation. It seems to be a recurring, living, nightmare. But I did my best to redeem myself tonight when we took the kids to track practice. And in an effort to punish myself as much as possible,  I did fartleks on the track.

The bad news is that it sucked and I hats the track. The good news is that my splits were so damnable predictable, I didn't really need a watch.

Weather:
Temps were about 90F or more and humidity was high. The sun was out but there were clouds too. Wind was nice and stiff but not bad enough to make you think it had a Viagra.

Fluids and Fuel:
Dinner was very light, just cheese, meat, and chips. During the run I had a bottle of ice water, a bottle of iced Hammer Fizz, and the rest of my mini-flask of Hammer Perpeteum. Recovery was a bottle of Hammer Recoverite mixed with chocolate ZICO.

Aches and Pains:
Nothing really hurt. Except maybe my pride when the kids beat me on a lap.

Gear:
Nothing fancy.

Codename - Stick!
The kids practiced their relay methods while I tried to look handsome and fast running the turns. Guess who did better?

Splits:
Lap 1 - 2:20
Lap 2 - 2:19
Lap 3 - 2:15
Lap 4 - 2:09
Lap 5 - 2:23
Lap 6 - 2:07
Lap 7 - 3:33
Lap 8 - 2:54
Lap 9 - 2:33
Lap 10 - 2:52
Lap 11 - 3:25
Lap 12 - 2:24
Lap 13 - 2:14
Lap 14 - 2:58
Lap 15 - 3:22
Lap 16 - 3:24
Finish - 43:09

Don't get your panties in a bunch

Report:
Woof, was it hot out there. I knew it would be but I went out anyway. I almost wimped out to do my 6 mile route instead of my 8 mile route but I decided to hang tough. And then I promptly wimped out on the 8 mile route and cut things short. In fact, I probably walked more of this route than ran it. It was just too damn hot out there.

Didn't see too much exciting out on the road. Just some cows, a horse, and a few goats. And some paper towels around a used condom. And half a mile later, a black thong. And I'm not talking about the kind you wear on your feet. At least they were safe.

Trust me, it's hotter than I look.

Weather:
Temps were about 99F with a heat index of 104F. That's right folks, I was a dumbshit to go out in this heat but I did it anyway. Humidity was low but plenty sticky. Wind was light, maybe 10 mph. Sun was out in full with no clouds to be seen.

Fluids and Fuel:
Breakfast was yogurt and iced coffee. Ran during lunch and only had water leading up to the run. During the run I had my hydration pack with ice water. I also had two Amphipod mini-flasks filled with one scoop each of Hammer Perpeteum and ice water. I also took my EFS flask (vanilla) to test. It worked fine but I noticed no difference in speed, energy, etc. Likely because it was too damn hot. I finished nearly all of my 1.5 liters of water, nearly one of the mini-flasks and about half of the EFS flask. Recovery was a cold shower, fast fan, and a bowl of frosted shredded wheat (Wegmans brand).

Aches and Pains:
Nothing really hurt since I was moving pretty damn slow. I did have to undo the chest straps on the hydration pack since I was finding it hard to breath later in the run. Aside from that, things felt fine.

Gear:
Took my hydration pack, two mini-flasks, and an EFS flask. I also had my iPod Shuffle and cell phone.

Codename - Don't get your panties in a bunch
Well, you heard me, don't get them in a bunch. And if you do, it's probably because you're not wearing a thong.

Splits:
Outbound - 34:57
Inbound - 40:10 (can you tell I slowed down in the heat?)
Finish - 1:15:07

Utah - Part 2

While I found Park City to be a bit quirky in a white-collar way, Moab was quirky in a blue-collar way. Park City reminded me of Bisbee, Arizona and Deadwood, South Dakota. An old mining town on a hill that has since been transformed by commerce and artists. Like this Banksy artwork.

Moab on the other hand, was flat and by a river. Still, it was an old mining town that commerce has changed. The big difference is the type of commerce. For Moab, it's tourism. You can do everything from land, air, and water in this town. You can walk, hike, run, bike, drive an ATV (or OHV as they call them), drive a Hummer, float down the river, kayak, raft, boat, swim, whatever you heart desires. Just expect to come back from your trip hot, tired, and a bit dirty from all the red dirt.

For some people, the muss and fuss is a bit beneath them. Seeing a women with dreadlocks and a shaved head might put them off a bit. But to me I felt like I was in a carnival of sorts. A carnival of young people that enjoy being outside.So it was no surprise to find people a bit scruffy in Moab. After all, they likely just spent 12 hours out in the desert having fun. And even though I limited my time in the sun, I still had fun.

One of the best spots was Negro Bill Canyon. Not exactly the best name for a place but hey, a country needs to have history to measure progress, right? This particular canyon is just outside of Moab and I think it represents pretty much the whole damn area. You pull off the road, park your car, head down the trail, and in two minutes you're lost in the wilderness. It was amazing to not only see the change in temperature but also the scenery. As a flatlander from the east, I loved the sand, rock, and sun. Just in little bite-sized pieces.

You could get lost, literally and figuratively, in a place like this. Thankfully I just got lost in the views. And there were plenty of them.

Pizza Pizza

Report:
After an 11:12 minute break to go to the bathroom, take a Hammer Gel, and swap bottles, I took off on the group run. My one mile warmup felt pretty good and the first mile of this run felt solid. After that, things got hot and a bit rougher. But I managed to take it easy and close hard. While I went out at a very comfortable pace, I knew I'd be taking walking breaks. so as the ladies of the class passed me, I knew I'd be reeling them back in. Sure enough, I was in the lead, got passed by 3 people, and eventually finished first. Not very common for me so I did a little happy dance when I finished. In my head of course.

Weather:
Temps were about 75F to 80F. Wind was light, maybe 10 mph. Sun was out in full. Humidity was moderate to high.

Fluids and Fuel:
Breakfast was a burrito, yogurt, and iced coffee. After my warm up and before the run I took a Hammer Gel. During the run I had a bottle of luke-warm Hammer Fizz and a bottle of ice water. I finished most of both by the end but liberally applied the ice water to my head, neck, back, chest, and thighs. Recovery was an attempt to like Vita Coca. It sucked compared to ZICO. That was then followed by a salad, iced latte, and a shower.

Aches and Pains:
Had a higher heart rate over the last mile than I wanted but I was pushing to pass the last person in the group to finish first. It was also hot and humid so I was overheating a bit. Outside of that, my feet were hotter than normal thanks to new black shoes.

Gear:
Wore my iPod Shuffle to listen to some music. It helped a lot. Also wore some new shoes, Altra Instincts. But they were black so my feet got a bit warmer than normal.

Codename - Pizza Pizza
Saw a slice of pizza in the middle of the road. Half eaten. And no, I wasn't tempted to eat what was left.

Splits:
Mile 1 - 10:30
Mile 2 - 10:40
Mile 3 - 10:29
Finish - 32:30

Utah - Part 1

So as I may have said a few weeks back, I went on vacation to Utah. For those that don't know, it was mainly an effort to get to know my mother better while visiting family and seeing new places. I pretty much accomplished everything I set out to do. I heard new stories about my mom, saw family I haven't seen in years, saw new places, did new things, ate lots of food, ran a few trails, almost saw Johnny Depp, and nearly got stuck on a cliff. I'm so thankful that I managed to not only find the time to take this trip but to also have a great wife that let me go and a great mom that paid for nearly everything.

So instead of me wasting words, here are a few pictures to hit the highlights (all of the pictures can be found here).

They say there's two ways to die in the desert; of thirst and of dehydration. It took a few days and a hard lesson but I finally learned to always have a drink in my hand. I really sealed the deal with a 2+ mile hike/run in 105 degree heat with no water.

Always follow the cairns (that pile of rocks that isn't quite natural). That's how they mark trails in the desert. If you can't see a cairn, you're probably lost and an hour or two from dying of thirst.

Arches National Park, Canyonlands National Park, and Dead Horse Point State Park are all very neat places to go see things. But it's the unexpected things that I found most interesting, like these rocks people places in natural mini-caves.

While my mom loved Arches, I found Canyonlands more fun. But both had their appealing and not so appealing parts. In the end, it was all about just having fun. There was other stuff to do too, but I'll spread these out to keep you coming back for more.

Photo update

First, I'm not back from vacation yet. But thanks to the power of the interwebz, I can schedule posts.

Now for a few pictures from our recent kayak trip:

Yes, this is a paddle-wheel boat. On a creek.

My lovely wife.

And this is from a recent run.