Thursday, May 28, 2009


That's my word for today. And this week. Some sort of evil sinus infection has found it's way into my nasal passages and colonized like it was the New World or something. Originally I subconsciously blamed my lovely wife for stealing the covers one night last week, thus giving me the chills. And you all remember what your mother's said when you were younger, right? You'll catch a cold!

Anyway, as my condition progressively got worse over the holiday weekend, I realized it wasn't her fault. It was Paul's fault. Who is Paul you ask? This nice comic artist/writer I know. But he's evil. How do I know? He's from New Jersey. Somehow he sent the Phlegm Phairy down here to infect me. I managed to wrestle her to the ground long enough to smother her with a pillow. But curse her, she left some "presents" behind on said pillow that turned into the Snot Monster.

By the time the Snot Monster reared it's ugly head, I had managed to survive the holiday weekend. Which meant I promptly called my doctor, made an appointment, got checked out, got a prescription, filled it, and started dosing myself with the wondrous of wonders, a Z-Pack.

So now I sit here after two days of medication still a bit woozy and muzzy headed. I've managed to make an attempt at a normal day today (minus the trip to the gym) so I'll be tired tonight. But don't worry Paul, I'll be coming for you. Oh, didn't you know? That's right, I'm headed north in another week or two for a wedding. My brother-in-law is getting married to a Jersey girl so I'm thinking I'll call in a few favors. Maybe she has some friends that could stop by your apartment and talk to that creepy old lady. I'm sure she's some sort of alien or zombie and would love to eat your brain.

Blergh. I think that just used up all my creative writing for the month.

Thursday, May 21, 2009

Chicken Sh*t

First, a joke. Guess what?!

Chicken butt!!

Which brings us to chicken sh*t. And another joke. What's the white stuff in chicken sh*t?

Chicken sh*t.

Actually it's uric acid, but that's not as funny. Where is all of this going? To the birds. As in the birds around our house. In the past month, I've had two nearly hit me. And no, they weren't dropping letters or presents like they do in Harry Potter, this was bird sh*t. And both times they were easily within ten feet of me.

And to top that off, we've found evidence that they've been practicing their dive-bombing skills. I mean, how can you get bird sh*t on the side of a tire? Or the inside of a car door handle? Or the side of the house? I mean, it's like they're taking physics classes or something.

So there you have it, the straight poop on the poop around our house. I'm sure the birds will continue to cause a flap around here with all the sh*t they've been dropping. Let's just hope they stay away from the fans.

Tuesday, May 19, 2009

Supply and Demand

No, this isn't going to be a post on economics. It's about all six of my fans. Well, really just one fan. Who's more of a reader than a fan. And she's complaining that I'm not posting enough. Due to her "demand" I'm going to give a "supply" of reading material. Hopefully.

You see, I'm busy right now. No, I'm not curing cancer and yes, I'm sure I could be doing more important things like blogging. But I have enough on my plate to keep me from posting in this blog. And since I don't want to turn this into a whine and cheese party, I'll spare you the boring details. No really, they are boring. Unless you define exciting as creating a Microsoft Project file for a fake company's desire for a new human resources system. And if that's exciting for you, you're crazy.

Moving on, we have some new photos. First is the trip to the zoo in Richmond. I missed it, but it sounded like a lot of fun. The kids (and grown-ups) all came back with great stories to share about all the animals they saw.

Then we have Elizabeth's small birthday party at the local dinner theater. We're season ticket holders that (have been for years) and that's where she wanted to celebrate her birthday. There were some complications, but it all turned out for the good.

Will I be posting more? Yes, I've had my arm twisted enough by those nameless readers and I'll work on my thoughts of chicken poop and other ramblings.